“Aslan,” said Lucy, “you’re bigger.”
Times of trial seem to be the centerpieces in my walk in Christ.
The frightening look back does tempt to flirt with vacant nostalgia but there is substance there. There is a strange but inescapable feeling of attachment to the Lord. While the flesh cries out to tear away from him, the Lord refuses. So in indulgence, there is guilt. So in gladness, there is a heavenward look. Along the archives of past years there is a strange but calming intelligent design; and I guess without it, these archives would be meaningless.
The pause to look back tells me something more than spent hours but it tells me of something frustratingly mysterious. Growth. How we long for growth yet it is always beyond our grasp. One day they will distribute it in pill form, we hope. But God’s clever yet terrible means of growth is time and trial. Time and Trial.
“Aslan,” said Lucy, “you’re bigger.”
”That is because you are older, little one,” answered he.
”Not because you are?” said Lucy
”I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger.”
Our sight is dim. Time and Trial. Time and Trial. The formula for sanctification is eerily simple. Time we can’t master and Trials can’t be forged to our liking.
We bow our heads. We bow with partial but deep understanding that he is God and we are not. The Creator-Creature distinction is not just theology but practical in prayer and especially vital in suffering. There are times when you feel like your heart might actually, in fact drop an inch below your stomach and then times when two hands don’t suffice to hold life together. Loved ones pass away and some leave you. Some leave you.
Strangely now the problem of evil and suffering isn’t just philosophy discussed in class, but its part of you. It’s an appendage. I suppose you would want an answer now. I presume you want a satisfying conclusion to an otherwise dreary entry. So would I. Sometimes the distance between the mind and heart runs for miles.
I have no such conclusion for you. Neither do I have many encouraging words.
But…
12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully…” -1 Corinthians 13:12-
When our time is done here on earth, we will stand before the Lord and I suspect the first words out of our mouth might be, “Lord, you’re bigger.”
